Hey there, I know it has been awhile. Life has been rough for my family and me since the afternoon of August 4, 2011 when two cars pulled left out in front of me while I was going through a green light. I missed the first person only to slam into the 2nd person. It was really bad...ambulance, ER, x-rays, MRIs, EMGs, lots & lots of doc appointments. Tons of work on my vehicle (still has to go in for more work, they didn't do it right the first 3 times!!!). I am still going to lots of doc appointments and therapies. My 2nd & 3rd cervical vertebrae slipped so far forward, I nearly broke my neck, I have a bulge in my C5-6 that compresses the blood supply to my spinal cord, I have a bulge in my L4-5, the left side of my pelvis dropped so low it nearly fractured, I have frayed ligaments in my left shoulder and a sprained AC, my left arm was a mess from the impact and airbag. I have severe headaches and pains everyday. I spend about 16-18 hours a day in bed, just depends on the day. Anyways, I was a very lucky lady I didn't end up paralyzed or dead. So I have been struggling to keep my studio up and running with the help of some wonderful teachers and instead of me dancing and teaching, I am more of an overseer, director, and administrator. Anyway, so that is what has been keeping me away. I also wanted to share a little something I wrote the other day (I need to remember what I have been feeling throughout this major disruption and very painful trial filled with suffering), so here it is;
What else do I miss due to my car accident? Hanging out with my friends (or friends I thought I had) whenever I felt like it, or riding my bike for hours with my kids and taking them on a great adventurous hike (something we would've done on a day like today), I miss the freedom to move my body in any way I wish to, I miss having headache free days, I miss enjoying life and not just going through the motions with a smile on my face to pacify others, I miss my true dear friends that live so far away and I can't get to them because I am limited from the car accident, I miss being genuinely happy, I miss feeling accomplished, I miss being the helpful friend, I miss cuddling with my family, I miss doing my hair, I miss doing my make-up, I miss not taking pain medication on a daily basis, I miss the energy I had, I miss my old life before the car accident, I miss being able to dance myself (especially Sunday nights), I miss so much...It could literally go on forever! I hate that girl so much, I hate her for her foolishness! Lord help me please....help me to forgive her for taking so much away from me. (3/15/12)
A Post Argument World
5 weeks ago
Hello sweetie, I've just read your blog entry and it seems terrible to me that people like yourself can suffer so dreadfully from others' unconsidered actions. I see that you blogged last March so I am sincerely hoping that you have recovered such a lot from the accident. It's hard to ever know why these things happen, but you seem to be the kind of person who will forgive and move on. It is so true, isn't it, that we never know what we take for granted until it, too, has moved on. I am never going to complain again. You have changed me for the better. Thanks, and get well. x
ReplyDeleteDanae,
DeleteThank-you for your kind words. Until your comment I really had not realized how long it has been since I have posted, just short of a year. :(
I have recovered some from the accident, I am not bed ridden anymore, all my micro tears have healed. I am now allowed to stretch, do Pilates, Barre work & Hooping to tolerance. I cannot dance full out yet, so I do not yet feel much satisfaction or relief when I am doing what I am allowed to because it does not let me express myself the way I always have through dance. So, I am working with a pain therapist to help me learn to cope with my new lifestyle, it is going okay...I keep trying to look at the bright side of it all but many days I do find it nearly impossible if I am going to be honest. Having that said, I do have some good days and I take them for all I can! I definitely DO NOT take them for granted. I can cuddle with my family again, albeit for short periods. I have decided to take up guitar with my daughter and I am learning to enjoy that. I try not to complain on a daily basis, I try to make sure I smile as much as I can. I try to not let the pain get to me, but it does. Please know it is okay to complain once in awhile, we are human and crazy shizit happens. I am touched I have inspired you in some way and grateful. I was not going to make this post public originally I don't like negativity...But I felt SO alone and was in the darkest place I had ever been in my life. I want to say I have fully forgiven the girl, but just when I felt I have, something comes up and makes me feel I just haven't quite done it. I am working on it though because it is never good to hold a grudge, it only hurts me in the end...This I know. I keep VERY busy and that helps me to not dwell on what happened to my life too much. However, I still have yet to feel like "me" again since the accident. Maybe there are things that God wanted to change about me that I was not aware of, I guess I will have to wait for those answers. I also learned recently that my neck injury is worse than originally thought and I will be going for a new EMG on Monday morning (those are pure torture sessions and this will be my 3rd). Then we will know where to proceed with my treatments from there. Anyway, I felt I owed you an up date because you pointed out it was so long since I posted. Once again, thanks for your kind words, compassion and encouragement. I will keep you in my prayers! xo ~Joie