Lately my little girl has been experiencing "homesickness" for mommy. It started a couple weeks ago after she stayed with a close family member that she loves to be with. She stayed the night happily and went to visit the pet store and play with friends at the mall. Suddenly, she balled her fists up and looked at her much loved guardian and started crying, and demanded to be taken home because she wanted her mommy now. Our poor family member was so distraught because she did not know what brought this on. Anyway, she brought her home immediately to me and Lili sat on my lap for hours and did not say much, other than she missed me. So, I just held her and waited for her to finally share with me what was going on. She shared that she just missed me very much and she got sick for me and it made her tummy hurt. Definitely sounds like homesickness. I suffered from this as a child as well. Well, over the past two weeks I have been very sensitive to her and her need to be with me...she even has needed me to be able to fall asleep(this is rare). I have kept her very close to me, and let her be with me on any and errands and such. Just giving her extra TLC hoping to alleviate her anxiety and homesickness for me. You know, make make myself so available that she would be reassured that I am always there for her, and she would tire of my constant presence and attention.
We are now at the two week point and really showing no signs of it letting up. Last night she needed me to fall asleep and then around 6:30am she woke crying hysterically because of a very bad dream. She had a dream that while at church someone was trying to take her and Marco away, and that I was mad at her and Marco because of it. (Uh, I was crushed...I still am a bit....why would she dream that I would be mad at her?) Needless, to say I reassured her and let her know that I would not be mad at her or Marco if someone were try and take them away. I would be mad at the person who tried to take them away. I am so concerned for her, this is my independent girl all of a sudden desperately needing me.
She has always been cuddly and close to me (we are best friends), but she has always been my girl to go off to her friends or any close family member and leave mom in the dust. If I was leaving to go to dance or another activity, she was always first to give me a hug and kiss good bye. Not anymore! Now she asks me to stay home and be with her. I hope and pray this is just a phase and possible coming to a realization point of life. For now I will continue to stay by her side and keep her by mine.....but eventually I am gonna need a break...I hope this comes to terms soon, and they shall be good terms of course.
Anyway, have any of you experienced this as well? Just wondering, kinda feeling by myself here.
A Post Argument World
2 months ago
Hi! and nice to meet you! I have a little girl like this. She is now 14 and much, much, less attached to me, but she does have this deep fear that I might go away and never come back. It comes out when I have to travel away from her for some reason. But when she was little, it was bordering hysterics. So, just like you, I did everything I could to assure her and always be there for her, and be very sensitive to this whole thing. And I also prayed a lot, focusing on the fear issue. I prayed that she would grow to be a woman of courage and security. And we slept in the same room for years (or she slept with her sister).
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can figure is that she got scared one day about losing me and it set in deep. Maybe a comment from a sibling or a movie or something. I don't know. But really, what you are doing is all you can do. Hang in there, and yes, they grow up and things eventually calm down. You are laying a great foundation in your daughter's life.
I love relatives that respect your child needs you and gets them home immediately!!! I also have a daughter like this. My gal is 10. As she explains it, sometimes when she is away from me, it makes her feel more grown up than she is ready for and it scares her. Like your daughter, it isn't forgotten right away. However, I highly recommend to keep doing what you are doing - fulfilling her need to be with you. This phase will pass (maybe not right away) and maybe repeat later with another event, but I always figure that if that need is there and not met by me, it will be met in some way at some time. Now that my daughter is a little older, she shares with me how much she appreciates when I just hold her after a scary dream or event in her life. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jena and Cathy! She is starting to do better now. She doesn't need me to go to sleep, and I was able to run an errand yesterday and she was completely fine with me going without her. I have coffee night with my friends tonight, so we shall see how she meets that.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jesus, I am sure your comment was dripping with sarcasm so thanks for the laugh.